


Here's Looking at You, Kid

by Quicksilver_ink



Category: Suikoden III
Genre: F/M, Parody, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-31
Updated: 2006-08-31
Packaged: 2017-10-21 07:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/222363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quicksilver_ink/pseuds/Quicksilver_ink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Storybook romances don't always work out so easily. When reality interferes, two lovers bid each other a tearful farewell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here's Looking at You, Kid

**Author's Note:**

> This is in fact intended to be a parody (hence the songfic aspect), although readers are welcome to view it as a serious 'fic if they so choose.

The sun was setting, its Midas touch turning the sprawling plains and waving grasses to a sea of warm, glowing gold. Soon it would sink further, and the wispy clouds that glowed in the reddening sky would turn deep violet, and then blue, heralding the onset of the night sky itself.

Chris Lightfellow's seat on the western slope of a gentle hill offered her a perfect view, but she had her head down, brow resting on her knees. Normally, the fiery splendor of the waning day would have filled her heart with wonder and awe, but not this evening. Perhaps it never would again.

 _First we touch, and we hurt each other_

 _Then we tear our hearts apart_

 _We are too close and I can feel the pain_

 _Fill my empty heart_

She lifted her head at the whisper and rustle of dry grass, and couldn't help but smile sadly at the young man who stood before her, looking down at her tenderly.

"I came as soon as I could," Hugo told her, then caught her solemn expression. "What's wrong, dear heart?" His voice was naked with worry.

It was almost too hard to say. "I have to go back, Hugo."

He sat down next to her then, putting his arm around her, making her acutely aware of his smaller stature. Goddess, he was only fifteen, despite all they had shared…

Aware of her mood but not its cause, he tried to comfort her. "Of course, Chris. It's only natural to be homesick at first. We can go visit your old friends, any time you like."

Tears cascaded down her cheeks, glittering like diamonds and pricking her eyes. "No, not to visit. I meant go back to the Knighthood."

"What?" Hugo exclaimed, surprise sparking in his deep eyes. "I thought you hated that. Dealing with the rotten council, and being idolized as the Silver Maiden!"

She sighed deeply, like the tide of an ocean. "I do, but…"

 _Is this pain too much for me_

 _Can I stay the same_

 _When this pain consumes my heart_

 _Will I be able to hold on to my soul_

"It's Borus, isn't it." Hugo's voice turned hard. "He's threatened you if you don't return." His clenched fist shook, and his eyes flared with fury. "How dare he, that miserable…"

Chris interrupted Hugo's torrent of angry utterances, shaking her head emphatically. "No, no!" He subsided, and she took a deep breath. She was still now, locks of silver hair that had come loose floating like a halo that glowed in the setting sun. "Borus would never do a thing like that. Yes, he can be overbearing in his idolization of me, and I won't deny he has problems with his temper." She sighed at the scowl that still darkened Hugo's face, and the anger that still burned in his eyes. "But he'd sooner cut off his own hand than raise it against me. That's how he is. That's practically _what_ he is. It nearly killed him when I left, you know."

"Please don't tell me you're leaving me for… for him…" Anguish filled Hugo's voice, and he dropped his eyes. "Please, Chris, I couldn't bear it."

"It's not that at all!" Chris placed a well-manicured hand on his shoulder, but to her pain the youth shook it off.

 _Kindness is something I don't want or need_

 _The sunshine would just dissolve me into light_

 _Give me a pain as pleasing as your sigh_

 _So I can feel you all the day and night_

 _And keep me from fading away_

"I'm not in love with Borus. I don't think I ever could be."

Hugo heaved a sigh, the decorations on his shirt swaying. "I believe you." He added under his breath, voice laced with righteous anger, "I still hate the miserable wretch. He's done enough harm to Karaya, even if he's not the cause of what's bothering you now."

At his words Chris felt her breath come sharply, like a sudden, biting frost. "Hugo, dear, _please_." She brushed away tears, the banished droplets sparkling like fireflies as they flew from her cheeks. "This is part of why I'm leaving. I just don't think it's going to work out between us."

"How can you say that, Chris?" Hugo asked, half-wailing in anguish. "After all we've shared, after all we've been through together? We saved the world together from that madman Luc, we both have True Runes… Didn't we say we thought it was destiny, that we knew we had a connection from the moment we first met?" He looked at her, aquamarine gaze meeting her shining amethyst orbs.

 _Even when we behold each other_

 _Somehow our eyes do not meet_

 _And when you hold me in your strong embrace_

 _Still I feel no heat_

Chris averted her gaze. "Yes, well… Hugo, have you thought lately about how we first met? It was less than a year ago."

Hugo smiled despite his pain. "You're right. Funny how far things have come, isn't it?" He put his arms around her. After a moment, Chris sighed and returned the embrace.

"It was kind of like a ballad," Hugo crooned sweetly into her ear, rocking her gently like a ship cradled by the ocean's tides. "You on your white horse, like a princess… me, the pauper, barefoot in the crowd. Lulu bumped into your squire… I didn't know at the time, but you were the one I was looking for. To make the delivery for Jimba, ostensibly, but I wonder if the Spirits arranged that errand so that we could meet."

His arms were strong, and the evening not cold, but despite the True Fire Rune whose power sang through his blood, Chris felt chilly. _Lulu._ She pulled away.

"Do you remember what happened the second time we met, Hugo?" she asked quietly, her hand folded neatly in her lap. "I killed your friend, Hugo. I ordered that your village be torched."

Hugo closed his eyes, his breath catching painfully as he inhaled. "Yes. I know. And I hated you – thought I hated you – for a long time, because of that. But we've been over this." He looked at her directly, his eyes shinning with earnest fire and unshed tears. "Lulu wouldn't have wanted us to go on hating each other, just because of that. So I won't let it come between us. We honor his memory better by loving one another." He tried to reach for her hand, wanting to reconnect, to hold her smooth hand in the firm, warm grasp of his own.

"Are you so certain?" Chris pressed, her hands clenching the fine fabric of her Karayan skirt. "He was what, twelve? A _child_ , Hugo. A child who hated Ironheads with the same proud ignorance of any of Zexen's children when they look down on 'barbarians' they've never met. That sort of forgiveness is for adults, and even then few are wise enough for it." She pointed her callused hand, the hand with the True Water Rune. "That's his grave there, isn't it? We dishonor his memory by pretending he felt something other than what he did, by pretending he was someone other than who he was."

 _But it gives me such delight_

 _To feel you closer now_

 _I know I am true to myself_

 _Though it cuts deep into my heart somehow_

"I still forgive you," Hugo said stubbornly. "I still love you. What happened here before doesn't matter anymore."

"Why not?" Chris demanded, her fists so tight her knuckles whitened. "It happened a year ago. Less than a year ago! People died, including your best friend! Yes, it was war, and yes, I still think it was necessary to save my men, so I don't torture myself over it. But it should still matter to you!

"If nothing else…Grief takes its time, Hugo, and can resurface afresh years later, no matter how dull it's grown in the meanwhile. You can't just wake up one morning and decide you're forever over it, and will never again hold any resentment or anger."

Myriad emotions flickered through Hugo's eyes, like a spitting fire. "How can you say that, Chris?" he demanded, pushing away a fierce, burning pain at her doubt. "I said I'll love you forever, and I meant it! Whether or not you killed Lulu!"

Chris closed her eyes and raised her right hand, palm up. The sun was fading quickly, but there was still enough light to show the dark circles of the True Water Rune. "Don't say that so carelessly. For us, forever really means _forever._ "

Hugo started to cover her hand with his own, the Fire Rune glowing faintly in the growing dusk. "I really mean it."

She pulled her hand away quickly, as if his touch burned. "How can you? How can you even know what you're saying? You're fifteen, Hugo."

"What's that got to do with anything?" he demanded angrily. "So what if I'm only fifteen? I'm a full warrior in my tribe, I'm the Flame Champion, I faced down a madman who wanted to destroy the world for some stupid revenge against some other world ending badly." Chris shook her head at that, but Hugo continued, not letting her objections wash away his words before he even voiced them. "I've led an army, and my mother has stepped aside for me as Chief of Karaya. We're going to get married at my investiture, aren't we?" He looked at her again. "Aren't we?" he asked again, a little forlornly.

"We… that…" She hesitated, choosing her words with care. "There was rather more to Luc's motivation than that, Hugo," she said finally, reproach in her voice. "Geddoe and I at least understood in the end why he did what he did, for all that we both disagreed. And there's another thing – the Fire Bringer war lasted what, little more than three months once you took on the title at Brass Castle? We've known each other for less than a year – how can either of us be so sure this isn't just a short-lived infatuation?

"My squire was fifteen. I could see that he was just a boy." Hugo bristled indignantly, but Chris went on. "Some of his year-mates were forever falling in love with pretty serving girls, and each time they swore it was forever."

The heat of anger tinged Hugo's cheeks at the insulting comparison. "Yeah, well, if Zexen wasn't so obsessed with propriety and hierarchy and stifling manners and politics, or… or… or not letting people be adults until they're eighteen, you'd know better!" he snapped. "You think you're so sophisticated with your Council and your Knighthood, but the men who decide when you wage war, or sue for peace, are never the ones to get their hands dirty or risk their lives. They sit around growing fat off your nation's poor, while sometimes people even starve! You told me that yourself! I never even had a word for poverty until I went to Zexen, because in the Grasslands everyone in a clan eats or starves together!"

"I can't help that!"

"Can't you? You're rich in Zexen, aren't you? Why haven't you used it to help other people there!"

"There're too many people in Zexen for that to work! It's not like Karaya!"

"You still could've helped some people!"

They were both on their feet now, facing each other. The last rays of the setting sun illuminated their angry faces for a moment, then vanished behind a hill.

 _Kindness is something I don't want or need_

 _The sunshine would just dissolve me into night_

 _Give me a pain as pleasing as your sigh_

 _So I can feel you all the day and night_

 _And keep me from fading away_

One by one the stars came out, twinkling in the velvet sky above them. The quarreling lovers sighed, and the tension evaporated, as if with the last of the sun's rage-red light.

Hugo's rage drained, gone with the light. "I'm sorry," he said slowly, as the embers of his anger cooled. "I… think I see what you mean. We're two very different people right now, aren't we? With different things we need to do. And I still have a lot to learn." He chuckled weakly through the shimmering tears that coursed down his cheeks, knuckling his eyes to staunch the flow. "I guess being so sure that I'm an adult just means I'm still ignorant."

Chris gave him the ghost of a smile in the moonlight. "Recognizing that is a step. I've known men twice your age who haven't done that yet. I was twenty-two and needed a girl half my age to show me that."

"The girl from Alma Kinan?" Hugo asked. "Yun?"

She nodded, a real smile on her face now, albeit tinged with sadness. "Yes. Sometimes I think I'm still learning from her." She reached a hand up to his cheek, the hand with the Rune. "Just because I'm seven years your senior doesn't mean I don't still have plenty to learn, you know."

Hugo laughed and placed his hand over hers. "I guess not."

There was a long silence.

"Do you think…"

"You know…"

They both chuckled weakly, realizing they'd talked over each other.

"Well, that was a real row, wasn't it," Hugo said finally.

Chris smiled coyly. "Now you know what I'm like when I'm angry. But I'm sorry, I never meant to talk about that…"

"You still mean to leave?" Hugo asked, hesitantly, his aquamarine eyes clouded like the depths of the sea. He squeezed them shut when she nodded.

"I have to, Hugo. It's not just all those things we were arguing about, it's about Zexen. Tinto and Harmonia are making threatening noises, and… They need me back. I need me to go back. For all that I've enjoyed my time in Karaya, this… " She waved, her gesture encompassing her Karaya dress, sandals, the open plains, and the mud-and-wattle buildings in the partially rebuilt village, "Isn't really me. I grew up with the roar of the ocean only a few blocks away, the cries of the busy port markets ringing through the mornings. I lived in buildings made of stone and dressed in steel for my country. That's who I am. Maybe someday I can be myself without that, but not yet. And I still owe them the lifetime of service I swore when I was knighted." She smiled, pearly teeth flashing in the moonlight. "Only a mortal lifetime, though."

"I'll come with you," Hugo decided, his voice thick. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut. A single tear escaped, shining in the moonlight like a lonely star. "Zexen and Karaya might go to war again someday. We'd have to face one another on the battlefield again." His voice broke. "I don't think I could bear that."

"We'll just have to make sure that doesn't have to happen then, won't we?" the silver maiden said, her own voice breaking with pain. "If anyone can, we can. You can't come with me. You belong here. You have your own responsibilities."

Hugo tried to smile. "You're a terrible liar. You're just saying that to make me stay."

The silver-haired woman shook her head, her amethyst eyes shimmering with tears in the moonlight. "I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with here. You're the hope of this village, and this village is the thing that keeps you going. If I set off for Zexen tomorrow and you're with me, we'll both regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

"But what about us?" Hugo was crying in earnest now, squeezing his eyes to dam the saltine cascade that would not cease. "After you're done with your oath… when we're both older… do you think we might have a chance?"

The silver maiden's tears flowed freely as well. "Yes, of course. We're immortal, silly. We've got forever. We'll always have forever."

"And I said I'd love you forever."

"Maybe you always will," Chris said, her voice faltering again, then growing stronger. "I want to believe you will. It's just that right now we've both got jobs to do. Where I'm going, you can't follow. Where you've got to be, I can't stay. Hugo, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of would-be lovers don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world…yet."

"I think that's one of those things I still need to learn, isn't it," he said, his voice catching in his throat. "I couldn't see it until you said it, don't know how to believe it, even though I know we have things we need to do." He choked. "I wish I didn't love you so much."

Chris wrapped her arms around him. "Me as well, Hugo. I think I should leave now, though. Before… before we change our minds."

"I… you're right." Hugo strove to hold back a sob, but his entire muscular frame shuddered as it broke loose. "You're stronger than me. I couldn't do that, in your place. I can't understand how you can bear to just walk away."

Chris leaned down and they shared one final sweet kiss, made bitter by the bile of their parting and salty by their mingling tears.

"Here's looking at you, kid," she said, and stepped away, towards Zexen, her heart shattering into a million pieces. She clung to the pain, though, as her footsteps took her away from her love, knowing she would feel the ache every waking moment, never forgetting her dear Karayan until they could be together again.

 _Kindness is something I don't want or need_

 _The sunshine would just dissolve me into night_

 _Give me a pain as pleasing as your sigh_

 _So I can feel you all the day and night_

 _And keep me from fading away_

* * *

Author's Note: Yes, this is in fact intended to be a parody (hence the songfic aspect), although readers are welcome to view it as a serious 'fic if they choose. Whichever take you prefer, I hope you enjoyed it!

The song is "Pain", from Xenosaga I, composed by Yasunori Mitsuda. As many may have surmised given the title, a fair chunk of the parting dialog is adapted from _Casablanca_ ; may Murray Burnett, Joan Alison, Julius and Philip Epstein, Howard Koch, Casey Robinson, and Humphrey Bogart find it in their hearts to forgive me this sacrilege.

Thanks to my usual beta-moogle Jyasu, who helped me see where to modulate the density of description for emphasis.

**Author's Note:**

> The song is "Pain", from Xenosaga I, composed by Yasunori Mitsuda. As many may have surmised given the title, a fair chunk of the parting dialog is adapted from Casablanca; may Murray Burnett, Joan Alison, Julius and Philip Epstein, Howard Koch, Casey Robinson, and Humphrey Bogart find it in their hearts to forgive me this sacrilege.
> 
> Thanks to my usual beta-moogle Jyasu, who helped me see where to modulate the density of description for emphasis.


End file.
